Fucken AWESOME banners mate, Fucken AWESOME.

Awritey mah wee chummos! Yur auld pal Lydia here, joost back fae Edinburger again. This time though, ah wisnae houndin’ the auld SDL, bit ah wis greetin’ mah chum best David Wankeron. Welcomin’ ‘um tae bonnie wee Scotland, cause like, presumably like, he’s nevur been here ur anyhin. Tae be fair ‘es prolly seen pichurs aye the highlands n aw that it ‘es posh Uni. Bit ‘es nevur seen us common folks before, so it wis prolly a bit ay a shocker fur ‘um like. Shame, eh? NAW.

Anywey. So whit actually happened like, wis we goat telt last night thit big DivCam the Sham would be in Scotland fur a wham-bam wi big Lecko Salmond. So we quickly organised and goat folk up tae Edinburger the next mornin’.

When we goat there, thur wis only a sparse group ‘ay people ootside the Scottish Parliament, an a hink they wur joost there tae gee Cam the auld eyeballin’. So we gets wur gear oot, wur obviously fucken amazin’ banners an aw that. An we situates wirsels it the side door ay the parliament, waiting fur good auld shiny face tae make an appearance.

Bit ‘eh disnae. Bit we staun there anywey, we shout ‘n’ chant. Joost the usual banter aboot tellin’ the Tory mob tae fuck off an that. Thur wis a real energy, ye know? People aw there fur the same cause n aw that. Aw these enthusiastic peopo who aw want tae batter David Cameron’s fucken heid in. Ahh it wis brilliant. But anywey, it wis really good an aw that, bit we started tae get a wee bit suspecious ken, cause like, DivCam wisnea makin’ an appearance, so we mosied oan doon tae the front entrance tae make sure the slimey bastard didny gee us the slip like.

Roon ‘it the front, it wis strange, like cause there wis a wee walkway set up fur his majesty an that, bit like eh polis would let a pansy Eton scum boey walk through a crowd ‘ay ragin’ Scottish peope who didny vote fur the cunt! It was aw so suspicious, ken, We wur shoutin’ loud enough fur fuckin’ Westminster tae hear us, so ahm no surprised thit they decided no tae ship the gold in through the front. So eventually, we gets aw the info. It aw comes oot.

Roon 'eh side ay the Parliament buildens.

Turns oot thit the sly basturts huv shipped ‘um in through the fucken bat cave doonstairs! An undergroon car park, ken! (Good tae know wur taxes are bein spent fucken wisely like!) An then they smuggled ‘um back oot! An let me tell ye, we wur pissed off thit we didny get tae scream in ‘es mush, but we wur well chuffed thit ‘e wis too much ay a fucken cowardly scumbag basturd thit ‘e couldny even face the fucken peopo ‘e wis tryin’ tae extend a fucken olive branch tae, like. Aye fucken right. Wur no gonnae sit an let that cunt make oot like wur fucken best pals wi the wanker. Ahm no ‘ed fucken pal. Ah HATE ‘um! AH HATE CAMERON!

Anywey, so we kinna joost started tae go hame, an we goat a wee bit doon ‘eh road n’ somecunt phones us an gees us the lowdoon thit the Toff Wank is in St Andrew’s hoose. So we dis a u-turn n sannies it up tae St Andrew’s hoose. (Another fucken grande waste ay tax money) an whin we get there, this big disaster kinna happened. See, we goat split up. Some ay us goat there furst an whin mah group goat there, aw we coul see wis the others aw fucken fenced in in this tiny kettoh. Ah wis lit “Aw naw man, geis peace,”

So the polis comes slimin’ up tae us an wis aw lit “Ye need tae go ower there, mate.”

An we wur lit. “Naw.”

An they wur lit “Bit we’ll gee yeese the heids up if ‘eh comes!”

An we wur lit “Dae we look lit fannies tae you? Naw, mate. Take yur leave,”

So the banter goes oan fur a wee bit, but they don’t manage tae gets us penned up lit wur pals. So we joost wait aboot fur um, annoyin’ the polis in a kinna casual wey like. These two mad poshos wur pure staunin’ lookin’ it us lit we wur aliens. Well, obviously we wur tae thame cause we didny huve suits, briefcases n a look oan our faces lit a duig hud shat in wur shoes.

Fucken ragin' an that.

So the big momento arrives. It wis glorious mah chummos. He comes oot wey a pure smug look on his gleamin’ mush. An we wur joost pure lit “SCUM SCUMS SCUM! YA BASS!” An ‘es wee ginger LibDem gimp nearly started greetin’ and pure dived in the motor. DivCam’s smiled kinna dripped aff lit cauld tamatae soup. We hailed ‘um oot wi wur chants an somecunt threw an egg which burst aw oor (no ‘es puss unfortunately) the motor windae as it sped the fuck ootae poor-land.

Joost goes tae show ye thit DivCam couldny gee two fucks aboot us an nevur fucken will. Cause fur a start ‘es too fucken scared tae own up tae the fucken crimes the Tories committed tae us in the past. ‘E cannae face us an ‘e fucken proved it the day wi ‘es smugglin’ in an oot ay places wi fucking high-vis wanker protection.

It makes me grit my teeth every time I see one of the variations of these groups on facebook about “When i was your age, I was <insert something about Pokemon here> not <insert something about getting pregnant here>

First and foremost, as pointed out by Sarah, if you’re at the age where you had Pokemon in your childhood, you’re not fucking old enough to preach anything to anyone about “When I was your age”. “When I was your age is reserved for when you’re an actual established adult. (which is debatable if you’re over 18 and still joining facebook fan pages dedicated to laying hate on an opressed group)

I don't remember him being branded a 'slut'. I DO remember the girl being SLAUGHTERED by the media, while the wee guy was branded a 'victim' and pitied.

Where’s all the hate-filled groups about teenage dads? It takes two to fucking tango, and do you not think it’s enough punishment to have to squeeze a screaming brat out of your fanny and then take care of it for 16 years without your pretentious bastard scrutiny and mockery? Most girls who end up pregnant as teenagers end up with the entire burden as the guy goes off to live his life. I think losing your opportunities, hopes, dreams and freedom is a big enough punishment from the patriarchal had of society without a generation of deely-bopper snooty CHILDREN trying to look down on them.

It’s a total ploy to make non-pregnant FAILED teenagers feel better about themselves.

Working Class has a high concentration of teenage pregnancies because shitty state schools do NOT offer adequate sex education (And for Catholic Schools, none at all). Young girls AND BOYS aren’t taught responsibility and the repercussions of having unprotected sex. This is not their fault. The only people who would see teenage pregnancy as the mother’s fault would be those so uneducated themselves, that they fail to see what wrong has been done to the young woman.

Young women in working class areas are vulnerable and in a bad position to begin with. This is due to the Capitalist way of Britain (And most of the world). You have insanely rich people, who have access to the right kind of education and amenities (and yes, I’m saying birth control is an AMENITY) to avoid that kind of situation, and SHOULD a well off woman get pregnant, she will NOT have to struggle along for the next 16-18 years. She’ll be well looked after and have all the supplies she needs.

“

A GRAPH TO PROVE MY POINT! Click to Enlarge

People WILL get pregnant during their teenage years. It’s a fact. It’s always been happening. It’s not some new epidemic, it only seems that way to teenagers now because it’s around them and they were too young to notice before. Plus, remember when you were wee, and teenagers of like 14 were basically big adults to you? Well, yes, if they got pregnant, in your tiny mind, it was okay back then.

Now, you see everything in a different light, and it’s all “She’s such a <insert misogynistic term here> cause she’s pregnant,”. Well, it could have easily happened to anyone. People forget birth control it sometimes fails or any other kind of unfortunate circumstance. What I’m saying is, shut your fucking mouth until you know the reasons behind teenage pregnancy.

People use misogyny as the nice, acceptable fascism to scapegoat on people. Racism is less acceptable now and they’re young people themselves. Women are the only way out. they’re getting all our housing cause they’ve got kids, they use all the benefits.

Naw mate. Go up the town and have a wee look at the bank buildings. RBS? Lloyds TSB? Aye, THAT’S where all your fucking (not well earnt cause you’ve never been taxed in your fucking life) tax money went. Fucking benefits, don’t kid yourself. If benefits were that high, we wouldn’t be in this position, but you wouldn’t really know because all you listen to is The fucking Daily Mail and old people going on about shit they don’t know anything about.

Do yer fucking research mate.

Get it up yeese. (Excuse the pun.)

The way I’d have it, anyway.

THE PARTY GROUPS AT GEORGE SQUARE ON FACEBOOK HAVE BEEN CANCELLED.

THEY ARE NOT CANCELLED. 6PM GEORGE SQUARE GLASGOW TONIGHT, BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!!

Help us fuck over the tories and the fucking man!

Awrite mah we muckers, It’s Wee Lydia Teapot here again mate.

Joost wahnteed tae droap in a wee message tae say that ahm fucken SHITTIN mahself aboot this Prime Minister buisness. Ah ken thit the Tories goat the maist seats but no a majority. Whit dis that mean? A hung Parliament? (Aye, ah’d like tae see thum aw hung tae be honest) ur an over rule by David “Thatcher” Cameron? Ah’d rather be kneecapped tae be honest.

Listen mah wee chumpos, A’ve goat a plan though. T’night wur gaunny rally against these wankers. Independence the fucken noo. You should dae it tae. Get yur clogs oan and dae whit ye need tae dae tae send oot the message thit you’re no an idiot ‘n’ thit ye wahnt yer fucken freedom fae the Tory mob.

Perty it George Sqr th’night anaw. See ye there mah wee muckers. (If ah’ve no shat mah brains oot in fear that is)

Over ‘n’ oot mah wee muckers.

Ahm hinkin' sumthin lit this...

Some Facebook groups regardin’ events thit ur gaun oan:

Peaceful Demo

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=105107362867240&index=1

Riot, mate

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=118461951509955

A wee Perty

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=117029908329208

Any you go tae, joost make the message clear, buds.

Aw naw man.

Here, ma wee chumpos and chumpettes, you’ll no believe this, bit ah’ll huv tae tell ye.
Thur out there. Lit sum kinna fucken zombie invasion, they walk amung is. They look lit normal people, but thur no. Thu’ll shout ‘it ye.
The peopo ahm on aboot, my wee muckers, thur the Troofers. “We ur Change” They caw thursels.

“9/11 Troof, mate”

Basically, whit these goons ur aw aboot is sayin’ thit every cunt is oot tae get thum. (Sounds lit me eftir wan too many wee draws, eh?) They pure hink thit 9/11 wis an inside job. Based on whit evidence? Aye, well, thu’ll no fucken say, will they? They talk sum amount ‘ay pish. Ye kin see sum ‘ay that pish if ye want, by the way, ye joost huve too look right here.http://www.911truth.org/article.php?story=20090506155958670
So whit they’re sayin’ is:
“How many times has this happened to you? You are explaining to someone some of the rational, logical reasons why the official story of 9/11 can’t be true, perhaps explaining how WTC 7 fell in the exact manner of a professionally planned controlled demolition — a job which would typically take weeks to prepare — when out comes a ‘thought stopper’ phrase like:
“That’s just anotherconspiracy theory!” or …
“Do you also believe in Big Foot and tin foil hats?” “

Diagram to help the crazy people.

Right-o, mate, first thing first: Whit ur ye fucken talkin’ aboot? Ah didnae know ye wur a fucking demolition expert fur a start. How the fuck kin ye define a buildin’ fawin’ a certain fucken wey? And ye know why people ask ye if ye believe in big foot ‘n’ tin foil hats? Cause other nutters believe in that. And nae offense mate, but whin yur thinkin’ ay the style a buildin’ faws in when ye kin CLEARLY fucken see a PLANE flyin’ straight intae the fucken side, you are a fucken tube. ‘N’ by the way, if ye think ahm wrang, then read further oan in that walloper’s article. He starts bangin’ oan aboot how Pearl Harbour wis an inside joab anaw. Is everythin’ a fucken inside joab? Whit aboot when mah mail’s late? Inside joab? You’re an inside jobby, mate. Nae doubt about it. Aw ay this is apprently part ‘ay the 6 reasons why people dinnae accept the 9/11 truth (They leave oot the bit aboot the real truth – ye know, the planes flyin’ intae the towers… anybudy?) It’s reason A, The Big Lie!
Next is aboot how people find the government scary (Ah find it scary anaw, but mere tae dae wi me no bein able tae get a fucken joab if the Tories get in). So fuck? That’s no a fuckin’ valid reason! Whit ye mean is this ye don’t huv a clue! Eftir this point, they basically joost talk aboot how cunts ur stupit.

So summary ‘ay the reason nae cunt believes in the “Troof aboot 9/11” is cause wur aw daft ‘n’ canny staun up fur wursels. Me, wee Lydia Tee would like tae propose a different reason: Cause it’s no the Troof. It’s sumhin you made up whin ye wur board ‘n’ single, mate. Get a fucken life.
Thur puntin’ that Holly Greig scandal anaw. Dunno if yu’ve heard – they write it oan the waws ‘n’ grun wi chalk, cause thur hard-fucken-core. Supposedly the whole fucken world is wrapped up in coverin’ up this wee lassie’s sexual abuse. Aye, the polis wur probably fucken cunts aboot it (They eywis fucken ur! Ahm a no wrang, chums?), but it doesny mean thit it’s a big mad conspiracy, pal. It’s been rammed intae mah eyesockets in every fucken wey. Facebook groups, chalk oan the pavement, leaflets, cunts coming up tae me oan the street (Fucken stoap it, ah fucken mean it, ya bass!)
Ahm no sayin the abuse didny happen, but ahm sayin’ it’s no been a big cover-up. Ah fucken went there. Aye, ah did. Whit ur ye gonnae dae?! The people involved in it urnae high up enough tae spark some kind ay Steven Purcell type-ay action. It’s jist another wan ay these nutters way to much time oan their hauns. Bit it disnae matter, cause wi Windows Movie Maker, n sum acoustic guitar music , ye kin make anybudy believe it.

Aye, the chalk oan the pavement hing. That’s wan ay thur weys ay getting thur point acroass. Bit the flaw is that nae cunt understauns whit the fuck “Wake up” ur “Everything is okay” fucken means. They just walk oan by tae get tae fucken Coffee Republic. Nae cunt cares. They sometimes staun aboot wi thur megaphones shoutin’ aboot how the world is fucked ‘n’ that. Y’know who else dis that in the same place? The wee scary christian guy that tells everyone on the way past thur gaun tae hell. News flash fur yeese mad Troofurs, ah don’t gi a fuck aboot whit he’s goat tae say either, cause coincidently, like youse, he canny back it up… At least ye kin actually understaun whit the wee christian guy is oan aboot cause he’s goat a decent sound system.

I SOOOO want to believe everything this guy says.

Jared Gomes, whoever the fuck he is, talks in this video ( Beware, mental content unsuitable for sane viewers )
Ah couldny huv told ye the furst hing aboot this guy, bit whin ah wis watching, I couldny tell ye whit ‘e wis oan aboot either. He’s tellin’ me thit it’s a wee group in the government thit ah should hate ‘n’ no the full government – bit wait a fucken minute, ah thoat the whole hing wis a hierarchy ‘ay control ‘n’ lies? Then whit, dis it end at that wee group? Make up yer fucken minds! The whole video is a fucken joke tae be honest wi yeese, ma muckers. It’s aw fuzzy megphone yellin’ some ay the auld chalky pavement. That ‘N’ peope cuddlin each other… Joost naw. (Fur the record, if anycunt tries tae cuddle me in the street is an attempt tae spread the love, ah’ll spread thur noses acroass thur faces wi mah fist…) Then thur’s the auld heavy metal music adored everywhere by 13 year auld cunts wi mere metal hingin’ oot thur boady thin’ fucken robo-cop ‘n’ Inspector Gadget’s love-wean. (Here, hing oan a minute… whit did that Jared Gomes cunt look like again..?)
Aw ‘n’ thur’s a nice wee bit ay climate change denial in there anaw. Ah suppose it’s cause the sun’s oot tae get me anaw. At the end, the obnoxiously annoyin’ fucken voice begs me tae dae mah ain research, an ah huv. So should you tae. Cause yu’ll learn thit “We Ur Change” ur a load ay pish. Don’t buy intae thur crazy talk, don’t smoke whit their smokin’. It’s no good fur ye, yu’ll joost turn intae wan ay thame.

‘N’ specially fur me, mah wee chummos, if ye see thum in the street, dae somthin aboot it. Thur liars ‘n’ panic merchants who dinnae deserve the time ‘ay day.

Hey all you happy cheery women out there! Would you like to know which of your rights are being demolished this time? I bet you’re just bursting to know!!

With the Tory fist of power soaring across our skies thick and fast as crazy people decide to take a rebel move and vote the fuckers in, women should know that Nadine Dorries’s stupid Bill for reducing the time limit for an abortion from 24 weeks to 20 is coming back when Cool ol’ Cammy takes his throne… I mean seat.

According to Nadine I-Hate-Women Dorries, the UK will become the “abortion captial of the world”. Here’s a few things that would ACTUALLY work, just for your benefit, Nadine:

• Sex education for all! Not just those lucky enough to live near an non-denominational school. To be frank, no one gives two damned fucks about ‘God’s Plan for Life’ – We want to know what are the implications of unsafe sex and how the hell you prevent babies! And you know what? Not all of us have the money to travel miles away to go to a non-religious school, but I tell you what, you give me the travel money, and I will.
• Free condoms in all secondary schools. Nothing prevents a baby like a wee rubber bag to catch sperm! It’s a brilliant idea, innit? Well, you should slap a sexual health room and counsellor in each school to hand ‘em out and give the kiddies advice about this new, fancy sex stuff. Oh! Oh, what’s that you’re saying? It’ll encourage them to have sex too young? Well, here’s some news for you, Tories – Sex is pretty much the most awesome thing LEIK EVAR. If people want to have sex, they’re going to whether there’s someone to get safe sex advice from or not. Why not keep ‘em safe, eh?
• Have a wee pop at ending poverty. One of the reasons people don’t want kids is because WE CANNOT AFFORD TO PAY FOR THEM. If you’re dirt poor already, who the hell wants another mouth to feed, skin to clothe and body to warm. Not any of us. Give people more money and people will not have to worry about this. They can keep a child and care for it properly without living your whole life in desperate need of money, sinking further and further into depression, with your kid having a shoddy life too.
• Protect women. Go to greater lengths to cut sexism. There are predatory men because women are portrayed so heavily by the media as being completely available for the taking. Pathetically, only 1 in 20 of reported rape cases in Scotland end with a conviction. Many, many more cases go even with report because women know themselves that they will not find justice this way. Do not let our women suffer at the hands of these monsters and as a result. Futher more, they will not need abortions from non-consented conceptions.

Following these simple steps will reduce the amount of abortions needed each year by helpless women. The effects of simply reducing the available time period will only be that more women will resort to ‘back alley’ abortions and cause serious damage to themselves. Sure, the RECORDED abortion rate will drop, but the actual rate will not. Women will become ill and possibly die from what the Tories have forced them to do. That’s blood on your hands, Nadine.

I mean, JEEZE we even supplied a diagram!

Women are entitled to the rights that men have, to do exactly what they want with their bodies whenever they want to. Who is anyone to say that a woman should keep/give birth to a baby she does not want? That is up to the woman, if you ask me (Or indeed any sane person). To deprive women of this right is just tyranny. It’s just another way to ‘put her in her place’. Imagine if old Div Cam could get preggo? Just imagine with me for a second that he did. His belly swelled and the doctor said.

“Hold up old chap! You seem to have a little bundle of joy on the way! Since you apparently don’t have a vagina, you’ll just be having it by C-Section. That’s alright, isn’t it old bean?!”

And he’d say “Of course! I mean, I WAS stupid and slutty enough to have sex! DUH! Wouldn’t want to contribute to the abortion rates! I should just go back home and quit my job to prepare to dedicate at least 16 years of my life to raising my new child. Forget my flourishing career! I’m ready to be a mummy!”

Naw. He’d be legging it down to the abortion clinic screaming

“BY JOE! MY IMAGE! MY MONEY! IT’S ALL AT RISK! GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!”

Aye, what’s your answer to that, Na-demon Dorries?