Are you old enough to remember when it was hippies........................hippies everywhere?

Remember those cops dressed as clowns who were kicking about a few years ago? Well it turns out apparently that one of them was….a cop! More details emerge every day in relation to “Lynn Watson,” an undercover cop who infiltrated the Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Clown Army. It comes hot on the heels of the tale of Mark “Stone” Kennedy, another state plant paid to spy on activists.

Let’s be clear. SSY has no gripe with people who want to dress stupidly and/or take direct action against capitalism - particularly given our own penchant for such things. The Clowns occasionally managed to use their incredible irksome behaviour to outsmart the cops and should be admired for that. We did however know that there would be coppers in their midst. No doubt they did too – given that many of them are seasoned activists. There have been a multitude of stories in the press but nothing we don’t all know anyway. But its worth fleshing out some of what has been revealed for the hell of it.

Most of it centres around the actions of Mark “Stone” Kennedy. Mark spent 7 years undercover, spying on environmental, anarchist and left-wing activists. He recorded their meetings using a modified watch containing a micro-chip which were then downloaded onto Inspector Gadgies PCs. Based on information obtained by Kennedy, 114 people were arrested and many put on trial, having done nothing other than talk about occupying the Ratcliffe-on-Soar Power Station. 20 were convicted of various nonsensical charges while the trial of 6 others descended into farce. The trial collapsed because the police withheld tapes that would have cleared the activists and the role of Kennedy was also crucial. It was claimed that Kennedy was prepared to give evidence in favour of the activists thus exposing the state plot to plot against the state. The collapse of the trial has led to no less than 3 totally “independent inquiries” by the Association of Cunto Polis Oligarchs (ACPO), the Independent Piggy Confectionary Convention (IPCC) and Serious & Organised Clown Army (SOCA). No doubt the police will decide that the police are bad and need to be abolished. We won’t hold our breathe.

Kennedy’s revelations in the press since being exposed have including the fact that he was basically paid by taxpayers to have sex with activists – a tactic apparently sanctioned as an acceptable form of “intelligence gathering” by his seniors. This week there was a demonstration in support of women from Reclaim the Streets , a group of London activists, among others who were conned into having sex with cops they thought were friends. The former member of the Special Demonstration Squad stated this week that promiscuity helped them to “blend in” because – you guessed it – we’re all fucking. I’d like to point out before we move on that tricking people into fucking you is not OK and in my insanely monogamous experience crazy lefties are no more or less likely to fuck around than anyone else. Obvious exception aside.

Kennedy confirmed this week that he was far from alone and that there were a network of undercover officers paid for with our dosh to check what we are doing. And more importantly, to first provoke and then fuck up any opposition to the political and economic elite. “Lynn Watson” was an activist outed by Mark Kennedy as a spy. She kicked about the Leeds area spying for a bit. She was involved in the Camp for Climate Action as late as 2008 having previously been involved in Aldermaston Women’s Peace Camp not to mention an being an Action Medic and of course, a clown. Various tit-bits from her bank details to a video of her in Clown make-up dicking around are coming out every day. But again, nothing we wouldn’t have guessed. She basically came in, made a mess and left like thousands before her.

Every state monitors and disrupts its enemies. That is in fact the PURPOSE of a state. The Black Panthers were destroyed by the CIA flooding the group with drugs, cops and paranoia. The Democratic Socialist Party in Australia counts among its members a former informant who eventually realised that the people she was spying on made more sense than they people she was spying for (I think it was a woman but my googling fails me). The façade of democracy is destroyed when the state acts to disrupt the forces who fight for a more democratic future. I can only imagine the epic boredom state plants must endure to get sketchy details of the half baked plans made by the left. We must avoid the temptation of spending all day asking where the spy is. In the end crippling paranoia is just as dangerous as the actions of the state. But it confirms that the state does watch us and maybe we should be rather more careful at times rather than blabbering our plans all over facebook or even, quite frankly via phone or email. On a positive note it makes you think that maybe, just maybe we are a threat to those we seek to overthrow. We all know they are watching…except them

In a hilarious twist, the UK’s most senior public order police officer, Bob Broadhurst, told Parliament’s Home Affairs Select Committee in 2009 in relation to the G20 protest in London that:

“The only officers we deploy for intelligence purposes at public order are forward intelligence team officers who are wearing full police uniforms with a yellow jacket with blue shoulders. There were no plain-clothes officers deployed at all.”

This week he scurried back to apologise to MPs for misleading them insisting he…didn’t know. I knew there were undercover cops in London at the G20 and I was sitting behind my desk in Glasgow refreshing the BBC News page at work. The claim that the polis didn’t know where the bacon was is laughable.

In short, the entire saga brings new (although hardly shocking) light on the amount of money and time being spent monitoring what we do. Don’t be paranoid – Don’t be disheartened. I distinctly remember my last encounter with the Clown Army, at Gleneagles at the G8 when they shouting “booo…miserable socialists” at us as they passed by. An older man behind me mumbled “we’re only miserable coz we’re surrounded by cops.” Just remember there are infinitely more clowns in the cops than cops in the Clowns.

Regular news readers may be overcome with a sense of gay ja vu yesterday at the news that yet another “member of the hospitality community” thinks that the Equality Act (Sexual Orientation) Regulations 2007 which outlaws discrimination against gay people doesn’t apply the them.

They can't come to my house either...creepy bastards

Homophobic hoteliers Peter and Hazelmary Bull, owners of the Chymorvah Hotel, were found by a judge to have broke the law when they refused a gay couple a room in their hotel.  They claimed that this was OK because their website explicitly stated that double rooms were only for married couples.  Humilated and without anywhere to stay the couple took the Hotel to court and won.  Mr and Mrs Bull were forced to stump up £1800 to each man.  The hotel owners are now in despair according to the Daily Mail – who suggested the whole thing was a plot by Stonewall.  If that is true then Stonewall have gone way up in my estimations.  But its doubtless bollocks.  Both the Daily Mail, and the couple believe this is suppression of their Christian faith with our favourite paper going as far as to claim (let’s hope correctly) that, “The ruling by a judge in Bristol sealed the supremacy of gay rights over Christian belief.”

But what Biblical context can the pair claim for their attitudes?  The Bibles main man had this to say on homosexuality. Sweet FA.  It seems strange that in 32 years of parables and ramblings Jesus wouldn’t deem it fit to comment on the matter.  Sure Mosaic Law – abolished by Jesus -  and in particular the book of Leviticus is a bit hell fire and brimstone on the old gay thang.  It would also strongly condemn the eating of “Pork with Madiera and Cream” (Leviticus 11:7) being served at the aforementioned hotel.  Lets also hope the property was free of mildew (particularly the kind with reddish of greenish spots outlined in Leviticus 14: 33-54) otherwise the couple will have spent their lives emptying their hotel, having the priest inspect it, closing down the hotel for 7 days then having the priest come back to declare it ritual clean.  And that would be a pain in the arse if you have lines of gays to turn away.

Jonathan & David: Shows Yer Girdles!

But hey fairs fair, they weren’t, as the rules of the Hotel stated, a married couple.  It is unlikely the Bulls would have thoroughly interrogated straight couples, demanded marriage certificates etc.  And Steven and Martin couldn’t be married anyway but they were in a civil partnership.  Which may not be quite marriage but is still a kind of…covenant.  So what does the bible say about a covenant?

“Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle.” (1 Samuel 18:1-4)

Mmmmm….Kinky.

Biblical context aside the ruling does set a legal precedent by confirming “There is no material difference between marriage and a civil partnership.”  The ruling also confirms (again) that when you run a business you lose your right to discriminate.  The Orwellian claim by the Bulls that “some people are more equal than others” is astounding giving that they wanted a right to discriminate based on their own belief system.  This Christian belief again is more equal than any other system.  If we want everyone to be equal here are a few suggestions:

• Abolish the two tier system and let gay and lesbian couples get married and straight couples have civil partnerships
• Scrap laws which exempt the Church and religious organisation from being able to discriminate based on sexual orientation or religion.
• Abolish all “faith” schools and implement an integrated, secular education system.

Until then I leave you with the words of Mike Judge of the Christian Institute who stated, “This ruling is further evidence that equality laws are being used as a sword rather than a shield.”  It seems if biblical homos King David and Jonathan want a bit of sword (and girdle) action then they should avoid the Chymorvah Hotel for a while.

Saturday 19th marked another landmark in the now epic battle against corporate tax evasion. Dubbed “pay day” by UK uncut the day saw around 55 different actions in towns and cities across the UK targeting big business fraudsters including Vodafone, the Arcadia Group (Topshop, Dorothy Perkins, BHS etc), Boots and HSBC.

Polis blockaded the shop so we didn't have too (pic: Indymedia)

In Glasgow around 25 activists braved the snow to take part in a successfull occupation of Vodafone. On arriving at the original meeting point outside Topshop it became clear that the polis were well prepared for us and would have made it impossible for us to successfully occupy Topshop. So we quickly decided it was best to do a bit of “disper and converge” and reassemble inside Vodafone on Argyll Street 13 minutes later (I even got to synchronise my phone making me late for work today).

After drifting in to Vodafone we did our best to blend in…so much so that I saw one of the staff rubbing his hands together as he appoached (nae joy). We had a little sing-song, most notably a great little version of Jingle Bells put together by our friends at Citizens United before Strathclyde’s finest arrived to send us on our way…and then say we couldn’t go on our way. What followed was the most thinly veiled attempt at making us all give our details and be filmed I have ever witnessed. As we all know you have no compulsion to be filmed or give details without being told what specific offence you had committed. Instead we were informed that we were being asked to give details because we were “witnesses.” When asked what we may have witnessed we were told “we’ll have to check the CCTV first”…in other words nothing. It’s pretty clear the bizzies were rather pissed at being outsmarted (again) by a group of weans and old folks which is something they had better get used to. Of course myself, Donald Duck & Roger Rabbit all complied and gave them our names not wishing to get arrested/miss the SSP Christmas Party.

We continued our freezing vigil on the pavement for an hour or so where again the response was overwhelming. And when I say that I don’t mean it in the way you normally hear on the left. I mean, an overwhelming majority of people were supportive and disgusted to hear of the masssive tax dodging antics of the Governments chronies at Vodafone and we shifted 1000 leaflets in less than an hour.

HSBC: House Stealing Banker Cunts

Elsewhere this week we have saw some really creative actions, like the Sports Day outside Topshop in Oxford Circus protesting against cuts in sports funding for schools – Phillip Green’s tax dodge would be enough to fund sport in schools for 2 full years. Similarly a “sleep in” was organised inside a branch of HSBC. HSBC are doing a Vodafone by attempting to “renegotiate” a £2bn tax bill – enough to cancel out the £1.8bn cuts in housing benefit which will see families thrown out on the street.

Creative actions like these help make a direct link in people’s minds between the cuts and those responsible i.e. the tax dodging companies. The constant (and pretty positive, giving how wet folks like Guardian get about Twitter) coverage in the media is becoming an increasing headache for big business who not only lose punters but more importantly are losing the PR battle. The Arcadia Group have thus far been totally silent (because the allegations are true) and Vodafone have only issue a non-denying “denial” by saying “we do not have a £6bn tax liability.” That statement is true and is in fact the whole reason we are protesting in the first place because HMRC wrote off their tax bill meaning there is no liability.

UKUncut is fast becoming a rallying point for a wide group of disenfranchised folk who are angry about the continuos lie that we have no choice but cuts and that there is no alternative to the ConDem vision of our society. In Glasgow it has been a great example of unity in action with those who share our aims and we should look to extend the pool by linking in with myriad of anti-cuts groups and activists to promote direct action. The theiving crooks are on the back foot. This weekend sends a clear message to those currently concocting schemes to dodge paying their share…when we catch you, we’ll make you pay. Let’s make 2011 the year the Big Society Revenue and Customs takes back what we’re owed.

Hands up if you love unemployment

Telling the truth has no place in the ConDem coalition. It seems Lord Young has been sacked for defending and explaining government policy. In a rare statement of honesty Young outlined the logic for spending cuts, “The fact that we seemed to be going through such big cuts really meant that the pound was saved.” Hoorah for the pound! Another outburst of reality as to what the government really thinks came when Young declared that all the people being sacked are within the “margin for error.” This frank outburst reminds many of Norman Lamont’s remark in 1992 that unemployment was “a price worth paying” for low inflation. Lord Young said the “so called recession” wouldn’t really affect anyone other than “people who think they have a right for the state to support them.” What he means is people who believe that the government has a responsibility to do something (anything?) in relation to the running of the country rather than leave it to millionaire businessmen like himself.

The Lord has an illustrious political career including privatising state industries as Industry Secretary (before working for Cable & Wireless, a big beneficiary of the newly privatised and deregulated phone market), and keeping 3 million people on the dole for 2 years between 1985-1987 as “Employment” Secretary. And of course, we cant overlook his business career given that he has been involved in pretty much every con-trick pulled in modern times including property development, private equity and even Deep Water technology. Perhaps he can use some equity to develop a solution to all the oil floating around.

There are a ridiculous amount of clangers in what was a relatively short interview but one of the most revealing was the claim that because mortgage payments were going down we have “never had it so good.” He revealed that apparently the average person now pays £600 less a month. As SSYs resident mortgage expert I can reveal that figure to be….bollocks! Ignoring the idol hoardes who don’t have mortgages this would mean that in Lord Young’s world of bow-ties and bourbon the average mortgage is £250,000 (4 times the national average) making the average house worth between £380,000 and a few million. In short to have £600 a month taken off the amount you pay for your house….you have to live in a big fucking house….perhaps even an Abbey.

The ConDems: On the side of the serfs and the servants

Speaking of Abbeys, after today’s new peerages, Lord Young will be joined on the Tory benches by Julian Fellowes, creator of period drama Tory vision of the future, Downton Abbey. Presumably, he will ensure fair treatment of house maids and man servants during the “so called“ recession. Also coincidentally selected to pass laws are people like Bob Edminston…who donated £2m to the Tories, and Stanley Fink…who donated £2m to the Tories. And as if a new cash-for-honours claim isn’t already on the cards we now also have Lord Gulam Noon who was questioned by police during the last one.

Of course being ruled by unelected Lords is no worse than being ruled by any other form of unelected Tory and its hard to know whether to hate the new Lords, our new Princess or our possible next new Queen more this week. But the Lord told us what the Tories really think. For them the recession is an opportunity to enforce the misery they so desire.  Their victorian desires are all too visible.  The servants may be revolting but we’re coming for you!

As one of the SSY’s many resident “manginas” I often feel too ashamed of my gender to discuss such weighty topics as feminism (beside which someone below did it better…and it’s basically women’s work).  However, early this morning while eating a burger and flicking through a weighty broadsheet I came across an editorial which got me thinking.

This editorial was directing its condemnation towards the X-Factor producers for allowing Chloe Mafia, who works as a prostitute to appear on their show.  The paper was so worried that they agreed with Choose Life, a group who works with those escaping prostitution, that this would “glamorise the sex industry.”  A perfectly valid point surely?  Unless it was made in the Daily Star.

To get to this editorial the reader had to get past a whole lotta titties!  Since Chloe was axed, they dropped the editorial so sadly it’s not on their website….you could try in the “Celeb Babes” or “Video Vixens” section perhaps in case I missed it?

As I searched away I was invited to what the banner said was the most popular section of their Babes section titled, “Glamour Models Live On Your PC.”  It would be fair to assume (although not verified) that this would not direct the user to a weighty discussion between woman concerned about glamorising or normalising the idea of selling your bodies for money conducted in real time on your PC.

RECLAIM THE GAME: Striking A Blow for Women in Sport

But who cares since today was the launch of the Star’s “Fantasy Football” tournament? Unlike the real evil macho world where football is an overwhelmingly male dominated affair, in the feminist paradise of the Daily Star there were no men to be seen. Only an invitation to “ CLICK HERE TO PLAY WITH THESEÂ (sic) GIRLS RIGHT NOW!!!”

Dirty Des: Porn Baron

The Daily Express also joined in decrying her “sordid” activities.  This wont surprise many of us given that the Express and the Star have something in common.  Both are owned by the saintly Richard Desmond. His print empire also includes radical publications which help smash the idea that selling yourself is glamorous like Asian Babes and Big Ones.  Not content with peddling smut on his Television X TV channel Mr. Desmond now owns a chunk of Channel 5.  This has already provided him with countless opportunities to use his illustrious rags to promote his shit TV Channel and erm…slag off shows with higher ratings that any on his channels…which is pretty much everything.  His main  editorial input At Channel 5 has been to remove desks from the TV studio which miraculously allows viewers to suddenly see the presenters legs and up the skirts.  I’m glad one paper stuck to its real principles, “What a load of bollocks” cried the Daily Sport, “it’s refreshing to see a young person not afraid to work for a living.”

Some of us don’t believe anyone should have to “work” in the sexual free market which all these papers promote because some of us know the difference between a free market and sexual freedom.  I doubt the Daily Star or the Express will be vehicles of enlightenment anytime soon but if they want to proselytise and crusade against glamorising the sex industry they don’t have to look very far.

Liar: Bassett pretending he looks ill

Why is the Lockerbie bomber still alive? This week Senator Robert Menendez, Chair of the Congressional Inquiry into why someone (or indeed everyone) isn’t dead yet announced plans to send a team of yankee investigators to Scotland.   This we can understand as it clear that protocol has been breached on this matter.  When someone in Scotland commits a crime like say theft or in the case of the accused, Bertybasset al-Megrahi being spotted buying a jumper (or another one the same colour) which was found on a plane, they are tried by a group of vote hungry senators in the run up to mid-term elections.  The only hope of clemency for those found guilty comes in the form of a Christmas pardon from our Lord and Saviour, Obama H. Christ.

Kenny McAskill chose to bypass the time honoured tradition of doing exactly what America wanted and instead exercised a strange form of indigenous justice.  Under this crazed system us savage Scots occasionally demonstrate that we have different values to those who seek to destroy us…or America…or is that the same thing?

Anyways understandably pissed off Menendez is sending a crack team to Scotland to investigate what’s wrong with this crazy country and what we can learn from our American brethren.  SSY meets the men who hope to save us.

Leading the group will be Frank “Freaky Sheik” McDeak (Dem.) Frank will investigate the disgraceful link between oil and political power in Scotland.  “This all came as a shock for me, I had to cut short my Saudi holiday…I was watching 50 virgins spray oil out their whatnots while I threw dollars at them…and now I hear these Scotch have been cutting deals in exchange for oil…America would never cut deals with those who tried to blow us up in exchange for oil and money.  The Sheik just wouldn’t have it.”

Perry: If you can't hang 'em - Shoot 'em!

Controversial Texas Governor Rick Perry (Rep.) is to investigate the woefully inhumane Scottish Justice system.  “Sure I’ve killed a few people….well a few hundred…and I’ve fired all those in the justice system who questioned my decision to execute a man who according to all my closest advisors and scientists was asleep at the time he is supposed to have murdered his kids…but these Scotch!  I tell you…letting someone go who allegedly bought a jumper, a strand of which was allegedly found on a plane that Iran Libya blew up…monsters I say…the lotta them!”

The final senator will be Hawky Pearson (Rep) well known international peace activist.  He is concerned by what he sees as a continuation of a trend.  “We should have seen the warning signs in Darien.  For centuries Scots have been dragging their junior partners in the US around on a series of imperial adventures.  They dragged us into their conflict with Libya then just like we sent our young men to die for Scottish oil companies in Iraq and Afghanistan.  I say no more American blood should be spilled for Scottish interests!”

We also understand that the Senators are to be accompanied by other progressive Americans concerned that Scotland is slipping into an authoritarian nightmare.

Pat “McGroin” Robertson, gay rights activist, is looking into allegations that crazy, Christian homophobes are funded the very same SNP government who freed the terrorist plotter.  “We believe some rightwing bus bandit may have influenced the Scottish regime with his insane ranting about the gays.  I’ve never been to Scotland but as I’ve always said there are definitely lots of homos there.  We can’t allow these people to influence the government.”

SSY preparing for the American Heroes

The group will be rounded off by asylum campaigner and renowned anti-racist Pat Buchanan.  He is expected to directly challenge the racism of the Scottish regime by visiting the controversial “Border Wall” constructed all the way along the border to prevent the flow of poor southerners crossing the border to Scotland to access free personal care for the elderly and lower tuition fees.  “I intend to deliver a message to the racists in Scotland.  I will invoke the spirit of Reagan and say ‘Mr Hadrien!  Tear down this wall!’”

In the US Mr al-Megrahi, convicted on, quite literally, a shred of evidence would have been taken out and shot thus saving the need for all these pesky investigations and all this pish chat about “the truth”  “justice” and “closure.” The SSY is ecstatic that these Americans want to visit our depraved nation and show us the light.

We shall greet them on the tarmac waving our Saltires and asking…Why isn’t Scotland more like America?

Midgies bite a fisherman LIVE!

What is news and what’s the point of it?

It doesn’t seem to be about education, providing insight into global events or speaking truth to power.  These days it’s not even really news at all…it’s just crime.

Yesterday, a day where as far as we can tell precisely zero new developments in the latest media spectacle that is Raul Moat we still get blanket “news” coverage.  Channel 4, usually less guilty of sensationalist antics, dedicated around 50% of its broadcast to bringing us “the latest”…last night someone had robbed a fish and chip shop nearby (but not the guy they are looking for.)

We had an exclusive report about his Facebook page (he might be checking his messages apparently.)  If he watches the news he ‘ll be glad to see a criminologist offering some tips “start putting demands on the police…a time barrier”  he suggests, before saying its a bit “Rambo-esque.”   Yes, the criminogist came on TV, gave him advice and then compared him to Rambo! Next up, local MP (well ex-MP and from a wee bit up the road) enlightened us with “there seems to be a lot of stuff, certainly in the press.”  Quite. The evening was rounded off by local fly fishing instructor Kevin Dawson who said “fishing…midgies…police officers…with their wotnots…they’re doing their best as long as everybody’s OK.” Truly compelling journalism.

But why is the media so obsessed with this kind of crime.  Are we supposed to be scared? When David Cameron stands up in parliament and lies about violent crime that’s about fear. Crime should be worse than it is.  It’s a miracle its so low and who knows maybe as the ConDem cuts start to bite  we can have ourselves a crime wave.  Politicians and the media love lying about crime in order to create fear of ourselves.  We don’t go out onto our own streets making them more dangerous because the papers tell us not to. We don’t meet people on the street, do stuff on the street, talk about stuff on the street because we’ve been told by the media that the streets are full of…erm…us.

The BBC: Clarity on Crime

Fear also helps them push through things like stop-and-search, the useless anti-social behaviour legislation and the new brand of elected Robocops.  Electing police is quite possibly the worse thing we could POSSIBLY do. The person who stands to be a police chief saying “well actually crime is a bit more complicated than just clubbing young people to death and hating gypsies”  will get my vote…and no-one elses votes.  And we also know why the media love this kinda crime.  But really we don’t live in fear that the more grizzly of recent tales will befall us.  Rather something more sinister is going on.

Sometimes people do bad things.  Thats pretty much it.  Yesterday loads of people could have done whatever they liked and got away with it.  When you go into work tomorrow everyone will still be talking about this one fanny.  These stories are really just horrific filler to distract us, their morbid details give people in offices something to witter about in the months between Britain’s Got Talent and the X-Factor.  That’s the real point…Crime replaces news, debate, any kind of content or space and once again the tabloids have themselves a celebrity best seller.