Fighting around the world!
Tonight once again you can join SSY for more historic liveblogging!
For the second time, Gordon ‘Tired’ Brown, David ‘The Replicant’ Cameron and Nick ‘Our Sexy Saviour’ Clegg are going head to head over the issues that divide them. Tonight’s theme is international issues, so you can guarantee there’ll be strong disagreements about who supports the war in Afghanistan the most, and who can best follow orders from the White House.
We’re very exciting to hear more about David’s plans for a third world war with China, and not excited to hear Gordon tell us a lot of lies about how much the government has done about climate change. No doubt we’re going to hear a lot of fawning about the wonderfulness of Obama as well.
Overall, let’s not forget that all three parties tonight were in favour of the war in Afghanistan, and want to continue the proud British tradition of foighting round the world, keeping down the huge threats to Britain represented by peasants and children who live on the other side of the planet.
What is exciting is that tonight Leftfield has upgraded our technology, and so will be bringing you all of our opinions, silly jokes and childish observations from each of us individually LIVE. Currently we’ve got me, theworstwitch, LydiaTeapot and Liam the admin, and we may later be joined by Sarah. Each of us will be bringing you our penetrating geopolitical analysis individually, thanks to Liam’s incredible blog cleverness.
So, if you’re quite prepared, stand by for SSY taking down imperialism one knob joke at a time. . .
23.05
Come back next week for some more live blogging and lots more knob jokes
21.31
Nick Clegg – “Something exciting is beginning to happen: people aren’t laughing at me as much anymore. Some people will try to block this, but I believe we can have real change”
21.31
Nick Clegg’s closing statement:
“I am good at writing lists. I recently read Derren Brown’s book so I am good at remembering things now. We can shape the world around us, for it is made of PlayDoh! Stand up for the things we believe in – which of course for the Lib Dems means…. errrrrrr……………”
21.29
David Cameron’s closing statement:
“The family comes first. Do the right thing – i.e. get married whether you want to or not, and HAVE MONEY, and keep it all til you are old. It’s the only way, Britain”
21.29
David Cameron reiterates the point that if the tories win, the government will be different.
21.28
Gordon Browns closing statement: “blah, blah, blah, working together, blah, blah, David Cameron is a wanker, blah, blah, isolated in Europe”
21.26
GB is referring to the ‘Australian system’ of immigrant capping being great. The Australian system where no one with HIV and no one from Africa is EVER allowed in?
21.26
Nick Clegg: “You can’t deport 900,000 people – you don’t know where they live”. True. But the fact that they are continuing to pander to this idea about deportations at all is indicative of the sad state of racism in our society
21.23
Do you know that in a major city, you’re never more than three feet away from an immigrant? Scary stuff. The Big Brother approach proposed by all the main parties is the only answer.
21.20
They are all united in their racism. Gordon Brown: “We need to have identity cards that everyone who comes into this country is required to carry. AND HOW ABOUT A BADGE?”
21.20
Nick Clegg says that the only person proposing a blanket amnesty is Boris Johnson – he’s pissed off about people stealing his bedding, but he’s prepared to put it behind them if they own up and return the blankets
21.19
David Cameron says “We need to have a cap on immigrants. How about a badge to know who they all are? Then we can move on to putting them all in camps!”
21.18
The leaders immigration debate doesn’t sound that far away from a BNP election broadcast, with “workers outside the European Union” replacing “the Blacks”
21.17
Self-hating immigrant ‘Bethlehem’ wants ‘fairer’ immigration.
Clegg’s response: “We need to tighten the borders of Bethlehem, any children escaping to Egypt will be detained and held while appropriate action is taken”.
21.16
Gordon Brown wants global financial supervision – it’s the New World Order! Wake up Sheeple! Microwaves are a communist EU plot!
21.15
DIVCAM RAGING FACE ALERT… cause, eh, Gordy brought up his ‘emergency budget’ plans
21.13
Frankly frank, we have too be frank about how we remember your name is frank. not only can we remember it, we can use it in a sentence!if only mary had a name that was also a word. . .
21.11
gordo says we’re the boss, we can vote. yeah, cos we can vote for the chairman of the board of the whatever the fuck that you and clegg apparently want to put in charge of the economy. we don’t know the proper name cos they’re unelected and we’ve never voted for them!
21.10
Cameron: “Over 1000 business leaders have said don’t do this” – because of course, those are the people that we should be trusting to help the economy, those are the people that won’t fuck anybody over and will act in a fair and rational manner
21.07
“Size Matters” Clegg want to come clean about how we’re going to fill the massive hole – he’s evidently the man to do the job
21.03
David Cameron wants pensioners to put aside £8000 at retirement, shows complete ignorance of the concept of POVERTY
21.02
I would rather be watching a game of political ping-pong right now, Nick. Especially since we all know what you can do with a ping pong ball.
20.59
Gordon Brown says “No one should be standing in this election unless they are transparent” – WOAH, that was NOT listed in the candidates guidelines when SSY’s James Nesbitt was filling in his forms! Do we have to fucking shell out for cloaking devices now as well? Jesus.
20.58
Nick Clegg has the same old anecdotes, I heard the one about the bus like weeks ago
20.57
Cameron: If you don’t have money when you’re an OAP, you must not have done the right thing. Such as be born into money and be surrounded by money your entire life.
20.55
GB: “And Grace – women, and you are one of them”
Grace: “AM I?!”
20.55
David Cameron, an Eton educated, Oxford graduate and former Bullingdon club member, says that there is a sense of unfairness in Britain and that he can fix it
20.53
Funny how the leader of the Whigs keeps criticising the “old” parties
20.52
DC – “Well Mary, I can list loads of important issues – education is important, crime is important, and thats why you should vote for me”
20.51
MARY! MARY! I remember your name, Mary! May I just say Mary again! MARY
20.48
David Cameron: “People think ‘I pay my taxes for decent politics’ “. Er no David, people pay taxes because if they don’t a debt collector comes and takes all their stuff away. I think you misunderstand the concept of taxes. “We need to reduce the massive cost of politics” – aye, starting with your salary! And this is coming from the man who’s spent more in this election than anyone.
20.46
GB: ‘A new voting system for the House of Commons’? But, how would Labour win then?
20.44
Charlie Brooker says
“They should all prove how homophobic they’re not by forming a daisy chain, right now.”
20.42
It’s not that we don’t agree with the catholic church on every single issue, it’s that they are killing people in Africa and trying to control women’s bodies
20.38
Nick Clegg – “I’m not a man of faith, but my wife is”
20.38
Cameron: “I don’t agree with the Pope on homosexuality”. Well, most of your party does, wee man..
20.35
Nick Clegg has a simple attitude to America, I suspect he has simple views on pretty much everything
20.34
Clegg: “We’ve all seen pictures of Gordon Brown sitting on the sidelines, like a little pansy girl, at the Copenhagen summit” – ooh, catty!
20.32
Nick Clegg doesn’t know what theological means – “I am become death, the destroyer of worlds” doesn’t actually mean that nuclear technology is a deity
20.31
David Cameron says Marks and Spencers will do up your house for you
20.28
WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT THEY’VE ALL DONE WI THEIR HOUSES? This is about what you’ll do in government, not the solar panel on yer roof.
20.28
SSY agrees with the PM that there is a lot more to be done about climate change – maybe actually reducing the emissions just a wee tiny bit?
20.26
General Mike Jackson says that we need Trident replacement now, and that the kid is not his son.
20.25
GB: “GET REAL, JUST GET REAL”. And then he just punched the microphone, in his eagerness to have nuclear weapons.
20.25
David Cameron says “We don’t know how the world will look in 30 years” – ever seen the Road? That’s where your war with China will take us.
20.24
“Securing our future for the future” – David Cameron makes us LOL
20.24
“I’d like to say come to the Barracks and you’ll be safe, but I can’t, because I’m the dickhead who sent you there to die! Muhahahahahaha!” – Gordon Brown
20.22
Nick Clegg talked to some mechanics. This is just a list of people they’ve met!
20.22
David Cameron is blown away by the troops in Afghanistan’s professionalism; the troops are blown away by improved explosive devices
20.21
Gordon Brown promises war in Somalia, Yemen AND Pakistan!!
20.20
We have literally nothing to say except that they all really fucking love fighting people
20.16
You can take our seat on the security council from under gordon brown’s cold dead arse.
20.14
Nick ‘I’ve shagged over 30 women’ Clegg says “should we be in or out” and “Size Does matter!”
20.12
Nick Clegg remembers his previous lives, as Jesus, a peasant in 17th century France, and as an EU negotiator
20.10
Nick Clegg: Should we stay or should we go (from the EU)? Oh baby baby let me know
20.09
David Cameron is upset that the politicians didn’t ask us about the EU: they don’t ask us about ANYTHING
20.08
GB: Abolish the English Channel! Get Britain out of the margins of Europe!
20.06
Should Britain be in the continent Europe? Yes. Anything otherwise would literally tear the world apart.
20.05
Things that have made Britain great: Nick Clegg forgets slavery, colonies, the Brittish Empire, generally stealing shit from people who it actually belonged to.
20.03
Apparently if the tories in the government will change. Sounds appealing.
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