It’s been a busy week here at SSY towers. Many strange inhabitants of the murkier corners of the internet were so disgusted by our bin raking ways, they were moved to try and track us down and give us death threats, letters to our (commie) parents about how we’re mad commies, and even complaints to our unis about how they are harbouring terrorists!
A quick recap: last weekend SSY were among the many different protesters (various different socialists, anarchists, trade unionists and random members of the public) who were disgusted to see the fascist BNP attempting their first street activity in over a year in Glasgow city centre. The 7 hate-mongers were quickly outnumbered by hundreds of normal, sensible individuals who don’t blame immigrants for everything wrong with their own lives. Embarrassed, the racists were quickly forced to retreat under the protection of the police. In their rush to run away, they abandoned their banner on the street, which was then put in a bin.
Going by the motto of ‘waste not, want not’, some SSY members decided to rescue this fine piece of fascist art from the bin, and take it away for our own amusement. We’d like all our fascist friends reading this to please note that THERE IS NO SUCH CRIME AS BIN RAKING. That is why, despite what you have been claiming over the past few days, none of us have been contacted by the police, because we didn’t in fact steal your banner, unless a bin is capable of ownership.
Many hours of laughing at idiots later, this led to this picture being taken. The far right were completely humiliated by their own inability to mobilise on anything like the scale the (still relatively weak) left can, and the fact that ordinary people in Glasgow will take time out of their busy Saturday to tell them in no uncertain terms what utter twats they think they are. Now it was even worse: the banner that they left behind was in the hands of the very people who had earlier forced them to run away.
The crazy bullies, well used to blaming their own failures on others, were quick to lash out. Across the far right internet, different factions of fascists tried desperately to blame each other for who’s fault it was they’d been collectively humiliated (and which of them weren’t proper racists because they were “race mixers” willing to shag non-whites). As you can see here, some of them can’t quite decide if they hate us or fancy us. Here we reproduce a selection of the highlights of their various imaginative insults (all spelling mistakes were in the originals!):
THE MARXIST EDUCATIONAL CIRCUS
“Agitated commie tit”
“products of the Marxist educational circus”
“i expect they are buying supplys of nappies and plastic bedsheets incase they have a accident during a nightmare.”
“insecure fairies just dying to conform to the status quo.”
“These people are a cancer in our society”
“Sqeal like a piggy boy.”
“Those two guys look like the under-the-thumb sort that do the big hero act to try and impress the girls, and hopefully get into their pants. They probably do all the housework as well! (Instead of a 50/50 split, which is what I have.)”
“you can bet your bottom dollar that the males involved, which will be most of them, if they aren’t gay, are self hating apologists for their own gender, who consider themselves to be male feminists, or manginas.”
“I mean for someone who will never have a girlfreind and likes singing gay disco and has the features of a rat with lepracy, he should really should be locked in a cellar for the rest of his life or stuck on a sex offeneders wing with the rest of his marxist bum chums..”
“What i find funny is the girls, they hardly look like the typical Marx Theoreticians. So pathetic how they go along with what their androgynous girlfriend does.”
“I quite fancy the girl on the left. Nice legs.”
“a rather cute kiss curl hairstyle”
“Oh dear, I wonder if he is very scared tonight, and nights to come? I bet his teddy is being hugged like it has never been hugged before.” [Antifascist commie scum responds: "They're way off the mark about me squeezing my teddy extra tight. Teddy is getting the normal amount of snuggles."]
WHAT DID YOU DO TO PROTEST THIS OUTRAGE?!?!?!111?!
“The scum bag leftys in this video make me feel sick, I dont see them protesting against the black police association or the black nurses association , where were they at the MOBO awards or when Islam4UK wanted to march through wootton bassett ? why is it that the words ‘white’, ‘British’ and ‘English’ are treated with total disrespect when everyone else can have representatives.”
For the past week there’s been a fairly unrelenting torrent of insults and death threats of which this is just a selection. Gutted at their own patheticness, they’ve been desperate to make us feel terrified at their hateful violence filled internet vitriol. They’ve been really keen to prove to us that they KNOW ALL ABOUT US, WHO WE ARE, WHERE WE LIVE ETC. ETC.
Except. They don’t. Their intelligence gathering is more inept than the Chuckle Brothers at any one of their many jobs. Although they’ve managed to gather a few basic details about some SSY members that are freely available online (such as the shocking revelation that, like 21 million other people in the UK, some of them HAVE FACEBOOKS?!?!), they’ve been far outweighed by the stuff they got so spectacularly wrong.
Let’s start with the most obvious clunker. The Nicola poster on the wall. Have a think guys. How many people you know have a MASSIVE FUCKING POSTER OF THEIR NAME ON THEIR BEDROOM WALL? Maybe that’s the kind of thing egostical Nazis are into, but normal people just don’t do it. We’re giving you a headstart here. It’s Nicola from Girls Aloud. None of us are called Nicola.
Then there’s all the fantasy “zoom in and enhance” action. One far right CSI fan commented that he’d “heard it’s possible to get software to remove the black bars.” No, it’s really really not. They also claimed they were going to zoom and enhance the badge hanging off the cupboard, the one that reveals our ID that we’d stupidly left in the picture. We’ll save you the bother. This, of course, reveals the identity of a notable SSY member who goes by the name of “The Worker’s Beer Company is a Fundraising Arm of the TUC” (we just call her WorkBeer for short.)
And let’s not forget about all their bullshit claims, such as they’d heard someone had turned police informant (bullshit), people had deleted their Facebooks (also bullshit), that loads of our “so-called friends have been grassing us in” (total fantasy), and that we were getting chucked out of uni (there’s absolutely nothing in the course requirements of any of my modules about not taking BNP banners out of bins.)
The BNP table is under his fist
To help you out, we’ve put together some handy biographies of our key members:
Liam Turnip, AKA, Liam ‘Iron Man’ Turdbit, AKA Captain Radical, AKA the long streak of piss, AKA the rat with leprosy, AKA Liam Touch My Willy Wallace, AKA Longshanks.
He may go by many names but there’s no mistaking the long man. You can tell wherever he goes by the trail of watches he leaves behind him as they slip off his slender wrists. Fascists everywhere just can’t resist his androgynous cute kiss curls.
Liam grew up on the multicultural hell of Arran, where he ran the island’s second most successful dancehall and bhangra night. However, this was only to appeal to the local crowd as his true musical love is, of course, gay disco. Since moving to the mainland his attempts to get a degree have been hampered by his non stop terrorism.
Nicola Roberts grew up in Runcorn, Cheshire. She has one sister, Frankie, and two brothers, Harrison and Clayton. She holds family values close to her heart, which was revealed in a documentary following the members of Girls Aloud SSY for six months.
Roberts stated: “For years I felt like the ugly one in Girls Aloud SSY. I was tall, skinny, with red hair and the whitest skin you’ve ever seen – standing next to four of the most gorgeous terrorists in Britain.” She added that she felt much better about her appearance once she realised that SSY is a refuge for ginger fantasists.
Nicola sometimes forgets what her own name is, so has this handy reminder poster on her wall
Apart from her hectic schedule of anti fascism, Nicola has managed to perform on some of the greatest socialist hits of recent years, such as ‘Sound of the Untermensch,’ ‘Something Kind of Jew,’ and ‘You Can’t Mistake My Ideology’.
And of course, let’s not forget Donna, who TOTALLY EXISTS AND IS NOT A PSEUDONYM. We all realise that, just as you’ve claimed in banned comments, you know Donna’s real name, where she lives and the fact the she is very much real. Unfortunately, she can’t remember who she is since Dr Who had to wipe her memory.
Of course, all joking aside, death threats, even if they do emanate from pathetic internet warrior losers, have to be taken seriously. On the private SDL section of the EDL forums (which we, being slightly better at internet spying than you, can read no bother) there’d been folk talking about coming to the Glasgow SSY AGM last Thursday to “put the boot into these faggots.”
Given that the night before 20-30 EDL thugs tried to attack a socialist meeting on Tyneside, we had to take this at least a bit seriously as an attack on our right to meet and organise. So we responded appropriately, and with less than a day’s notice we put out the call to socialists and anti-fascists to come down to the venue to show solidarity and help defend us. The resulting mobilisation was inspirational. Over 60 people from all kinds of political backgrounds came down. Many would disagree on a lot of our politics, but we were united in our desire to defend each other in the face of mindlessly violent knobheads.
Of course, we got no trouble. Nobody we saw did look like the SDL or their other fascist chums. But if they did send anyone along for a look, they’ll have got the message. Anti fascists in Glasgow are organised and militant and prepared to stand up for each other. And there are many many more of us than you.
Anti fascists stand united against the SDL's internet bullshit